About me

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Maybe it’s time I wrote some more about myself than just my gender and age and the fact that I’m a mess should show clearly in my older posts so no need to mention that here anymore ;)

So I am female, 33 years old and I was born in Germany to very loving parents who tell me I was basically a dream come true when I was born. 2,5 years later my younger sister joined us and our family was complete.

During my early years I was kind of a tomboy, I got into fights in school, I played with the boys mostly and I was defiant . I also may have made some of my teachers want to pull their hair out while still getting good grades despite my defiance so that after primary school I was able to attend what we call Gymnasium. This kind of school prepares you for university and is the only way to get into uni directly without having to attend special exams.

So all should have been great from here on out. My path was determined and I did want to go to uni. I considered becoming a lawyer or psychologist before discovering I had a knack for languages. From then on I wanted to become a translator.

I followed German, English and French classes but when it was time to pick a 4th language we were told there were no teachers available to so that wouldn’t happen.

And with that my dream of becoming a translator went out the window because you needed to speak 4 languages to study this at university.

I did quite OK in school still, being lazy was a little issue but somehow I had enough intelligence to get by quite nicely.

Socially things were a little different. I was quiet and introvert. I liked to read and it seemed I was different from most people around me. I lived in my own head quite a lot and there were times when I was teased and bullied. Essentially I felt like I didn’t belong most of the time.

Fast forward a few years.

I moved out at 18 after finishing school with a pretty good average but couldn’t go to university due to the lack of funding. I did not get the apprenticeship I wanted and ended up in Sales.

For the next years I was in hell, I hated everything about my job and my life but was determined to finish my apprenticeship and do well at the school part of it. I finished as one of the best of my class and quickly went on looking for a real job that paid real money.

So I started working in another shop, earning a proper salary which in hindsight still only was the bare minimum.

I moved in with my 30 year old boyfriend who turned out to be lazy, giving up his job and gambling away our money, mostly mine though, before cheating on me and getting a girl who was barely legal pregnant  I ended up with a lot of debt, lost my job and went back to living in my home town.

So at 22 or so I had pretty much managed to ruin my life or so it felt.

I couldn’t find work and was getting worse, not yet knowing that I was actually struggling with depression and probably had been for years.

When I was finally diagnosed I went into an outpatient program at my local psychiatric hospital and several months later I was better, had met my now soon to be ex-husband and moved to the Netherlands.

I got a helpdesk job due to being a native German and fluent English speaker and things went from there.

2 years after moving here we bought our first house, 4 years after that we got married after I proposed and his mother told me if I had not asked it would’ve never happened (that right there should’ve told me something).

I think I was happy or at least content during those years. I had always gotten the jobs I wanted, earned good money in an IT job considering I had come from Sales and my debts had been paid off years ago.

In 2010 we considering remodeling our house to make room for a baby in the future but it turned out the costs would have far outweighed the benefits.

So with the real estate market in the Netherlands still being stable we decided to buy a new house instead. The old one would sell quickly our estate agents told us.

Then the market crashed…

Today we still have 2 houses which probably was part of the reason why I got depressed again 10 months ago.

2 or so months after my depression had started once again I told my husband I wanted a divorce.

Sounds crazy and the wrong time to do it but I had fallen out of love once I realised that he could not or would not support me among other issues.

The fact that he did not even fight for me proved that point I guess so these days we’re basically just waiting for the court to confirm our divorce.

Which brings us back to today.

At this point I’m feeling better though I’m still taking my medication. My life is still a mess but I’m getting there.

I’m fluent in 3 languages (German, English, Dutch) by now but feel most at home when I speak English (odd I know!)

I’m currently considering learning Spanish as I want to visit Cuba one day and think it would make sense to be able to speak the local language.

I will write the book I have always dreamt of writing though the question is still when inspiration will finally visit me.

One of the houses will hopefully sell soon so I can get my own place and take my life back but I’ve taken first steps now by starting to date again.

So, I guess that concludes the “About me” bit. Now you know! ;)







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