January 18, 2017 by Sera
It has been close-ish to 3 years since I last posted and I should probably apologise for being so quiet for so long but, as people often say, I’ve been busy.
Too busy to write? Probably not but my head wasn’t in a blogging space most of the time, which, if you’ve read some of my old posts, may sound like a bad thing because I used my blog to work through issues but strangely enough, it actually is a good thing.
Life has changed a lot since my last post and since an old friend of mine told me this week how he’s still waiting for me to blog again, I decided an update was in order.
After that I might just get into blogging again, who knows? I was, after all, still writing, just not in as public a place as this.
So, what has happened since July 2014?
A house was sold. You know, one of the two houses I owned with my ex? One of the houses that caused so many sleepless nights and so much misery on many levels, it sold just a few months after the last post of 2014 was written.
Obviously that meant I finally got to live on my own again. I moved to beautiful Haarlem, just me and my cat, and life got a lot better from there.
I’m not saying everything was perfect all of a sudden but I started to feel a little more like myself again. I actually made friends, went on dates and at some point even thought I had met my “someone very special”.
Life generally became a lot more enjoyable and around May 2015 I felt I was ready for something new. So I quit my job and started working for what can only be called “one of those hipster companies”. You know the kind, especially if you work in software.
One of those companies where they make fun T-Shirts for milestones or events, where you have to write an introductory blog to tell the whole company who you are and they pride themselves on being open-minded and non-conventional. I thought that would suit my new life, working in the centre of Amsterdam every day, being one of those “hipsters”…
That lasted a month.
Then they told me that I really wasn’t social enough for them (my current team would call them crazy, believe me) and when I disputed that they informed me that actually I was also behind on my training schedule. I informed them that I was actually two weeks ahead of the plan but really, by that point it had sunk in that it was quite simple, they just didn’t like me.
I struggled with being sacked as most people would and went to my then boyfriend for support.After staying with him for two days he informed me that it was over. He couldn’t give any reasons that made sense to me but in the end it turns out that the fact that I wasn’t a mind-reader and far from perfect was probably the problem.
So those two, or so, weeks were not exactly the high point of the past 3 years, as you can imagine.
Here’s the thing though, and when I read back my blog posts now, this becomes even more apparent to me, I have grown a lot in the last 5 years.
What I did with the lemons life gave me, was to make really tasty lemonade!
I needed a few weeks to recover from getting fired, it does mess with your confidence a bit, and then decided that this was the right time to make a big move.
A move that had been on my mind for years, something I was dreaming of doing one day but never felt it was the right time for.
I applied for new jobs, not, as you would think, in the Netherlands but in the UK.
I had just about saved enough money to be able to afford moving all of my belongings and my cat to the UK, I had nothing that held me in the Netherlands. Yes, I had made friends and some of them I still miss but having known for years that deep down neither Germany, nor the Netherlands were my home and having always felt an incredibly strong pull towards the UK, I needed to find out if this was where my home would be.
It took a few months to find a job that was the right fit for me and paid enough to be able to live on my own but my mind was made up, this was what I wanted to do, so I kept looking, kept applying for jobs and eventually…what can I say? I found the one.
I knew from the moment I talked to the recruiter that this was the right job for me and the subsequent phone and then face to face interview only confirmed that.
Long story short, I got the job and moved to the UK in October 2015.
I’ve been here for almost 15 months now and can say, with a lot of conviction, that I have found home!
When people say “Home is where the heart is” that is 100% true. I knew for a long time that my heart was in this country and the moment I got off the plane and on the train to pick up my keys I felt it. A few happy tears may have been shed on that train journey…
Life here is not perfect, my job is not perfect but barely a day goes by where I don’t think “I still love it, I don’t regret moving here”.
I mean, yes, the Brexit vote happened in June 2016 and that made a lot of foreigners, me included, feel uneasy and unwelcome for a while and I still wonder what will happen when Article 50 gets triggered and the country officially leaves the EU. Right now though, there is nothing that can or needs to be done anyway so I’ll just keep on living my life until I need to actually take action.
And my job? It is like most other jobs, it can get extremely stressful and frustrating at times but I’m good at it and it challenges me constantly while also making me feel like I’m doing some good in a roundabout way because I support hospitals all over Europe that treat cancer patients.
Actually my job is full of feel good factors if I look at it that way. I work with a group of absolutely amazing people, some of which I am lucky enough to call my friends, and there’s always a laugh to be had. I even have a colleague I can to for a hug if I need one. I mean, it doesn’t get any better than this!
The girl that was told she wasn’t social enough? The girl that called herself an introvert and shy? Gone! I told you my current team would laugh at the manager who called me “not social enough”. It feels strange for me to say this, considering I was at one point wondering if I was actually like-able, but my colleagues like me. Me, as I am, without having to pretend to be something I’m not!
All I needed was to find home, that right there, changed my life and I truly believe I have only now really come into my own.
Who and how I am now is the real me!
Oh sure, I still struggle sometimes and doubt myself, especially when it comes to men but 15 months aren’t enough time to fix everything and while I occasionally stumble I also quickly pick myself up and now always manage to find my happy place again.
The silver lining, as it were.
And speaking of silver linings, there’s an amazing man I’ve recently started dating.
Time will tell and all that but…you know… :)